Gentleness – much needed today.

Gentleness in our approach.

Recently I have walked St Cuthbert’s Way and as I steadfastly and quietly trod paths up and down hills and vales I found myself pondering where the Holy Spirit was challenging me to develop and strengthen my coaching, mentoring and pastoral supervision approaches.

I found myself thinking of the fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5 22-26) especially gentleness and where it shows up or should show up within the places I go each day.

This is what formed in my mind over those beautiful wandering days.

Gentleness today is often used to describe the character of a person, or of a group. In positive descriptions we think of gentle dispositions or temperaments of kindness, open-heartedness, someone who is perhaps modest, good natured, and loving. 

Sometime people equate it with someone being shy, quiet and unconfident. I disagree with this definition of gentle. Just as I disagree with a view which suggests gentle may me mean demure or graceful and describe someone as passive or submissive.

I believe there are different aspects of gentleness which we can bring into our relationships in communities, workplaces, and relationships. After all gentleness is not about being passive and letting the world drift by, instead is about engagement. It is about being thoughtful about your actions and how you approach your people each being made in the image of God and each individual being unique. Therefore gentleness requires keeping an eye on the detail for each person we engage with attending and noticing their gifts and abilities so we can gently develop a working relationship with ease. This requires deep patience, compassion and empathy recognising the specialness of our calling in life and holding the space we create in the relationship with deep care recognising all people can be fragile.

This is of course is about developing our emotional intelligence as practitioners. We are probably all aware of Goldmans seminal work on emotional intelligence. Yet how much is this knowledge only, do we practise this too, this requires will power, discipline and commitment to our own growing edges, reflecting and taking responsibility for the approach we chose to take.

Yet there will be times we feel frustrated, impatient and perhaps a little irritated by the interaction we have with our people, gentleness does not mean we cannot feel these things. Emotional intelligence lived out helps us to approach situations, these moments and explore these feelings appropriately so no to do harm. Gentleness then becomes a practise to be honed, a fruit of the spirit to develop with the help of the Holy Spirit.

Finally gentleness also asks us to reflect on the power we have in ministry. We need to be sure we use our power to positively . To  serve is more than being a great communicator, or helping people to achieve live well.. Instead if we are approaching  those around us through the lens of gentleness we will support, nurture, encourage change, educate, discuss and reflect. The power we have is to lift up others and gently help them be empowered to make the changes they need and take action.

I think this requires humility on our part. It upends how power is often perceived in society and upends notions of what gentleness is. Humility helps us to deeply listen to those we live alongside even when we may disagree with their choices. Humility helps us to let others develop and flourish as people without acknowledging the influence you may have had and then unwittingly taking ownership of their decision, which we all have experience that tells us in the long run things are better when the others takes ownership for themselves. Humility for me always helps me see what the best is for a situation not what is always what first appears best for me.

By developing a gentle approach in all we do. I can hopefully enable others to achieve their best lives by being together, carefully, respectfully and lovingly where ever possible.

I wonder if it is through the lens of gentleness we can inspire, connect and transform individuals, communities, organisations, and churches so all may flourish and live in abundance.